Sailor Moon and the Purple Llamas
by Supreme Pre
Summary: We got off our lazy asses and put up chapter 5, r&r, please! and 4 is messed up, but i'm too lazy to fix it so you'll ahve to concentrate while reading it....
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1

By: "SUPREME PRE!!!(SP) EMPRESS OF THE POIPLE LLAMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" & "the Girl with ESP(G w/ESP)"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: normally, we are decent people and Supreme Pre has a 4.0 GPA (G w/ESP snorts) BUT our parents are on vacation and there are some boys over we're on a "sugar" high. Father forgive us for we know not what we do. ::sobs::

**Disclaimer: we, thankfully, are not part of the Sailor Moon cult and we have no rights, **

whatsoever, (thankGod), to Sailor Moon merchandise and misadventures and their LONG LEGS! This is simply a parody. They are not illegal. We don't own anything. We have signed away our SOULS! The girl w/ ESP is poor. 

**G w/ESP: and so is the empress… ADMIT IT!**

**SP: NEVER! **

_Sailor MOON!_

**WARNING: Terms of agreement: 1.) if you like sailor moon, don't read or we'll have to set the purple llamas on you 2.) if you're 8-10 years old and a GIRL who watches tv 3.) if you don't mind RATED R language and actions. Make sure you're parents aren't reading this over your back. IF THEY ARE,  HAHAHA!!!! BITCH! BASTARD! YOU ARE A FOOL! If you are a college male sex deprived kinda person, then you are in for a treat! Just call us! 555-FUCK **

::shows long legs:: 

Plot: Sailor moon takes OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and enslaves the NORMAL LLAMAS!!!!!) 

**G w/ESP: (she's psycho)::takes rope and carving knife and grabs nearby CHAIR and TIES THE SUPREME PRE to it and … CARVES OUT HER … HER... SOMETHING, WE CAN'T SAY WHAT THOUGH, IT'S NOT RATED NC17, ONLY R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

::dum dum dum::

SO! 

Sailor Moon and her dead sexy friends who have Barbie perfect bodies with LONG SILKY LEGS stalk TUXEDO MASK and HIS dead sexy …HAT!!!! ::screams ^_^::

** Sailor Moon: HEY GIRL! Watcha up to?! Want some… .PIE??????? **

            she devours pie and eyes Sailor Mercury's LONG LEGS (!)

**Sailor Mars: takes out ghetto hat and ghetto tank top w/ ghetto suspenders WORD UP DAWG!!!!!!!!! SURE! **

**Sailor Mercury: um… I don't think that's very nice. … Sailor Moon, my comrade… we need to spend more time together… you're grades are dropping! I never knew you could go beyond your standard F-! **

   (Authors conversing:

            **SP: you idiot! Stop tying me up! I am TRYING to TYPE! **

**G w/ESP: DAMN YOU! GO TO HELL! BITCH! **

**SP: why'd you invite me to the SLEEPOVER?  Btw, what are these GANGSTERS doing at your house?? ::pause:: THEY HAVE UGLY FACES! TEHY'RE GOING TO EAT ME! ::runs out of the house screaming, meets the cast from AMERICAN PIE 2 (all who have watched shall DIE) …**

            **G w/ESP: the author is currently being tracked down by the MAFIA and all who don't know the feeling must read I Am the Cheese because that book is REAL and is COOL and has SIMILAR PLOT) ::cough cough::**

**Sailor Moon: Hey! I have an idea! (G w/ESP: this is really lame, WHY did she talk me into this?) let's take over the world! It should be easy! Just seduce the politicians! With our long legs! And Mercury, GO FUCK YOURSELF! **

**Sailor Venus: She is the one named SAILOR MOON!**

**G w/ESP: I saw this coming! I have ESP! **

_::ending theme song plays::_

**G w/ESP: this is the end of my limited knowledge of Sailor Moon, of which I own nothing, and of what I have learned from the Empress. She is currently running around the middle of the street bound and gagged… with the Sailor Moon gang chasing her (chanting "WE HAVE LONGER LEGS THAN YOU! MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!") Next time, we promise, we shall not be "sugar" high. **


	2. SM & PL Part II

__

Sailor Moon and the Purple Llamas Part II

****

Disclaimer: We do not own Sailor Moon. OR any of her friends. Or any of her enemies. ::phew:: Or Harry Potter. We do not own Harry Potter. ::sobs:: Or Dexter's Lab.

[Far away, in the distant galaxy of PL ::star wars music plays in the background:: the Purple Llamas (PL) marching, training, practicing spitting spitballs at anyone who annoyed them, including their mortal enemies, the GREY COWS! ::gasp:: fleets were being sent out, one by one, ship by ship to the MOON KINGDOM and the Milky Way! They are getting ….ready… for… WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

****

Empress of PL: HUT! HUT! HIKE! 

::watches football:: YEA!!! GO PATRIOTS!!! RAMS SUCK! THE BLUE RAMS ARE FILTH! ::hoots:: 

****

Emperor: Football.. we have no feet…. How can you take such an interest in Muggle games? Muggles, in this fanfic, are humans in the Milky Way. We are magical creatures. We are purple. We just HAPPEN to look like llamas. WORSHIP US! 

****

Kali: don't be insulting the cows, man, this is a gateway computer… have some RESPECT. 

****

SP: this is your house. I have no respect!

****

Kali: you stink at typing! It took you 8 times to type "respect"!!!! 

****

SP: … so? ::in a small voice:: I still can tyupew! (type, misspelled)

****

Sailor Moon: when are we going to get to MY PLANET??? ::Screams!:: I'm HUNGRY! 

****

SP: Shut up, you long legged creature! ::gasps:: LLAMAS HAVE LONG LEGS! NOOO!!!

****

Sailor Mercury: you are not very nice. Hey, is this a mic on your computer? I love computers! It fills my big brainy head with joy! AND A CAMERA!!! ::starry eyes:: 

****

Kali: we are the authors. You are our slaves. Bow to me. 

:: Sailor Mercury bows::

****

Kali: Peace be with you. 

::Sailor Moon finds some cookies, goes to a corner and starts nibbling slowly to savor every crumb::

****

Sailor Mars: ::snorts::_ I _should be the leader! Serena's stupid. _I _am not. _I _am smart. _My _hunger can at least be satisfied. _I _do not go around ALL the time chasing boys ME! MEMEMEMEME! ::runs aroung, arms flailing::

****

Kali (to sailor Moon): I see you've set aside this special time to

humiliate yourself in public. Your skirts are too short.

****

Sailor Moon's short short skirt goes up. :HOW'D YOU KNOW???

****

Kali: 1.) I have ESP

2.) I wrote it. I know all. I AM -

****

SP: OMNICIENT!! YES I AM! 

****

Kali: …no comment.

****

Emperor and Empress of PL: You authors suck ass! We though we were getting a real part! 

****

Kali: I'm really easy to get along with once you llamas

learn to worship me. 

**SP**: BUT I'M THE EMPRESS OF THE PURPLE LLAMAS! THAT FEMALE LLAMA IS ONLY AN ACTRESS! I will always cherish the initial misconceptions

I had about you. 

****

Empress of the PL: ::grunt… spit::

[Later, after the *fake* llama empress was fired and drowned in her own spit, Supreme Pre then resumed to taking her RIGHTFUL role.]

****

SP/Empress: this is cool!

****

Kali: I have ESP… ::cough cough:: and the spaceships sent out millions of years ago have finally reached the earth. ::flicks on the news:: ah. 

::everyone crowds around the idiot box::

****

News reporter: A bald, purple llama has officially landed in the capitol building in Washington DC, Virginia. 

****

Emperor: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! this is WAY better than football! 

****

Sailors Scouts (except Mars): OH NO! we never expected this! Who knew we had enemies? We're just teenagers! with normal teenage problems! we're adorable, cute, and have long legs! WHO DARES ATTACK OUR BEAUTIFUL PLANET MOTHER EARTH????? ::sobs:: 

****

Sailor Mars: YES! WOOHOO! Let's KICK SOME UGLY LLAMA ASS!!!!! 

****

Sailor Moon: NO MORE STUDY SESSIONS! TAKE THAT, MERCURY! HAHAHA!!! ::laughs **like **Mandark from Dexter's Lab::

****

Sailor Mars (who continues to run around): MEMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

****

Sailor Jupiter: Hey, Sailor Moon, ... lovely legs, hun, but didn't you say something about taking over the world? You've got competition!

****

News Reporter: Well, Bob, what d'ya know, the llama has officially made peace by not spitting at anyone! And we thought we were in danger!

****

Bob: Yep! It turns out that aliens are QUITE alright! 

::everyone gasps as llama shoots out spit at a nearby bystander.::

****

Bob: Well, a little spit can't hurt anyone...

::victim gets eboli (is that how you spell it?) instantly and coughs up intesitine::

****

Victim's Wife: YOU DISGUSTING SLOB!!! SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR SLEEPING WITH THAT HOOKER WHILE I WAS AWAY!!!!!! ::huffs off in indignation::

****

News Reporter: Uh... well, the world is overpopulated anyway. And now for the weather! Frank?

****

Frank: Why thankyou, News Reporter, Bob. The barometric pressure in Some Distant Secluded Tribe's Area in Congo, Africa, is looking pretty low... 

****

Kali: By the way, we have no rights on Congo, Africa, either... 

****

Frank: Yesterday it was pretty high, but then again, this is a NOMADIC TRIBE! Anywho, if you're in that area, expect hail, snow, and high winds. 

****

Bob: In africa?

****

Frank: Yep. I'm pretty acurate. 

****

Bob: ... whatever you say, you're the meteorologist! ::hearty laugh::

::Sailor Mercury turns off the idiot box::

****

S. Merc: I say we head down to the capitol building-

::Sailor Moon turns on TV ("teeeeeveeeeeeeeeeee" drools)::

****

News Reporter: Woops! there goes the capitol building! 

****

Sailor Merc.: darn. ::sits down in her thinking chair::

[several hours later...]

****

Sailor Merc.: I KNOW! We MUST go to the place where the Capitol Building WAS!!

****

Kali: we do not own anything of the capitol building. we only pay the taxes because we like giving money away. 

****

Sailor Moon: IT'S TIME TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!! AND I HAVE A PLAN! ::runs to the candy store::

****

Sailor Venus: She's the one named Sailor Moon! 

****

Kali: I have pepper in my eye!

****

SP: that's smart... 

Kali crumbles on the floor clutching her eye: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the end...

or IS IT????????? ::dum dum dum:: 

Read our next chapter to find out what happens to the llamas!!!!


	3. SM & PL Part III

**CHAPTER III!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**_SAILOR MOON!_**

**Disclaimer: We do not own anything or any legs of the Sailor Scouts ® © ™ **

 Have fun! This is getting saner and saner! We are slowly rehabilitating FROM "SHUGAH" (sugar). We don't own Dexter's Lab, or Star Wars… or Charlie's Angels… or the Purple Llamas… or American Pie… and Supreme Pre does not own the gateway computer… Kali does… ::SP flinches::

If you are still reading this crap and have not found our sense of humor to be slightly disturbing, JOIN THE CLUB! WELCOME! 

::cheers::

_RECAP:_

**Sailor Moon: IT'S TIME TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!! AND I HAVE A PLAN! ::runs to the candy store::**

**Sailor Venus: She's the one named Sailor Moon! **

**Kali: I have pepper in my eye!**

**SP: that's smart... **

Kali crumbles on the floor clutching her eye: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the end...

or IS IT????????? ::dum dum dum::

_END OF RECAP_

[now…]

::after running to the candy store, Sailor Moon gets some sugar lumps! (for the llamas) and, for herself, double dip mint sticks…AND MANGO JUICE!!!!!!!!!!!::

**SP: I LOVE MANGO JUICE! And I HATE DOUBLE DIP MINT STIX!!! … maybe I should try … dipping them in the mango juice! *^-^***

::Kali spits out her gum… in disgust….::

**SP: MANGO! MANGO! manGO! **

**Geaky**** Eagle:: (new AUTHOR!): auf weidersane! SOY GERMANA!!! WOOHOO! **

::Kali pix up her gum and puts it back in.. ::

*cough*

::Geaky Eagle snorts::

::Gum comes out again (of Kali's mouth)::

::GE pix it up ..and… and… a little white FUZZBALL comes and takes it…::

::then we all realize we were FANTASIZING and continue with the story::

**Kali: I DID spit out the gum!**

****MangoMan: I AM HERE! **

****Banana Boy: I am about to barge in the window with a bulldozer with bubblegum. Please stand clear! If you see flashing lights, it is OKAY! If you see puffy white clouds, peace be with you! If you see purple llamas doing laundry, laugh. **

**Kali: the white fuzzball's GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I have ESP!) (I know!)**

**All: …**

**Emperor: You!... Off my planet! **

::SP takes out her trusty carving knife and attempts to get through the thick fur of the purple llama, succeeds, and the emperor dies::

**SP: CAESAR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**Kali: My eye hurts! **

::GE steals the carving knife and takes out the eye::

**Kali: …thanks. That's much better! At least the pepper's out!**

::everyone's happy.::

::Banana Boy steps over llama corpse and forms conversation with Mango Man about how if Kali eats enough carrots, then her eye will grow back.::

Tuxedo Mask: AHA! Me and my dead sexy hat have arrived! 

::cheers::

::Sailor Moon drools over hat::

**GE: tell her to stop drooling!**

**Sailor Moon: But I have a pallet expander!**

**All: sooooooooooooooooooooooo??????????????????????????????**

**SP: I SYMPATHIZE! I HAVE ONE TOO! DAMN BRACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**Sailor Moon: HA! Tolf you so! **

*tolf= told w/expander

**GE: I had one but I never talked like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**All: sooooooooooooooooooooooo??????????????????????????????**

**SP: that's just in for the emphasizement!**

**All:  sooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????? **

**GE: I …I … IT-**

**All: sooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????? **

**Sailor ****Moon : I present… THE BLUEPRINT!!! OPERATION DOUBLE DIP CHOCOLATE MINT STIX MIXED WITH MANGO JUICE AND A BANANA SPLIT!!   *author's lame attempts to resume plot***

::Kali's gum falls out again and GE attempts to eat it but the crowd chimes in…

**All: sooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????? **

**Kali: Too many freaks, not enough circuses. **

::GE leaves and comes back five seconds later bouncing on a 2 centimeter diameter marble with a 10cm diameter star on it juggling fire sticks and blowing a huge bubblegum (that she found on the floor…)::

**Kali: If I throw a stick, will you all leave?**

**SP: You're too smart to hang out with us.. look at all your smart comebacks! **

**GE: whatta? **

**Sailor Venus: She's the one named Sailor Moon! Can I have a real part???**

**Kali: No. Worship me.**

::Sailor Venus bows::

**Kali: Peace be with you.**

**Sailor Venus: oh, thank you…..**

**Kali: And with you… and you… and you…not you, Supreme Pre! **

**SP: darn! **

**Kali: hey I grew my eye back!**

**GE: Hey, the blueprint doesn't make sense! **

**SP: Yea, the bananas don't go there, go consult with a consultant.**

**Kali: I don't work here. I'm a consultant. … No I'm not! Banana Boy is!**

**Banana Boy: I am? Cool! **

**Kali: Hey… this blueprint might work! … I sound reasonable... Time to up my**

medication! 

 **GE: I'll do it for you! ::overdoses Kali::**

**Kali: Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!   **

::collapses on the floor::

[five minutes later…]

Sailor Jupiter picks up Kali's head and shakes her head sadly… the atmosphere was tense with  anxiety. Big anime sweatdrops were appearing over everyone's heads… Supreme Pre looked rather excited, though… Flower petals gently fell from the sky… A hummingbird hummed in the background… 

**Sailor Jupiter: I'm afraid… that… she's… left this universe.**

**SP: WOOHOO!**

**Kali: No I'm not! WAIT! … YOU ALL ARE HERE! THIS MUST BE HELL! IT'S HELL WITH FLOURESCENT LIGHTING! **

**GE: No it isn't! it's my basement! **

**SP: I am the author… it is time to end the insanity. And move on to the next chapter! Sailor VENUS! **

**Sailor Venus: She's the one named Sailor Moon! **

Find out how they save the Super Bowl dome! And destroy the White House! 


	4. SM & PL Part X

SAILOR MOON AND THE POIPLE LLAMAS PART TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SAILOR MOON GOES TO BAND CAMP!!!!!!!!  
  
Ok, guys, we forgot what we published oh, so long ago, so this is going to be a whole different story, with lots a poiple llamas.. And she goes BAND CAMP!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: we do not own band camp, or sailor moon. If we did, we would be tried for war crimes.. BAND CAMP IS A SECRET ORG. DEVOTED TO WOLRD DOMINATION! Beware... neither do we own American pie. We do not own STAR WARS  
  
[recap]   
  
FOOL  
  
[end of recap]  
  
EXCITABLE FLUTE PLAYER IN BAND CAMP: My name's too long!  
  
SAILOR MOON: HAHA! Mine's purty..   
  
GIRL WITH ESP: this is going to be verrry predictable. I mean band camp, haven't you seen American Pie???????   
  
SUPREME PRE: No. NEVAH!  
  
EFPIBC: This is better. if I could only memorize my lines. I've seen those movies and I worship them. Wait, no I don't! These damned writers, they keep putting word in my mouth!!  
  
G w/ ESP: The writers are gods.   
  
SP: I'm THE WRITER!!!! I AM GOD!!! BOW TO ME!   
  
G w/ESP: ::Snorts::   
  
Sailor MERC: ::bows to SP::   
  
SP: HA!   
  
SAILOR JUPITER: Are we ever going to Band Camp?   
  
ESP: OFF TO CAMP!   
  
::the bus leaves::  
::everyone runs behind the bus. for the next 500 miles, they continue running until they reach camp!::   
  
SAILOR MARS: ARE WE THERE YET???   
  
SAILOR VENUS: ::slurring, with bottle in hand:: Three bottles of rum on the wall! Take one down, pass it around , TWO bottles of rum on the wall! ::burps loudly::   
  
SAILOR MERC: Merc sounds cool. I knew these LONG SEXY legs had a purpose.   
  
EFPIBC: Oh, no! I left my hairbrush behind! And my bubblegum scented nailpolish! I think I dropped them just before the bus left!! ::takes off after the tire marks, returning 5 years later with nailpolish and hairbrush in hand  
  
:: Narrator: Thankfully for them, time has no real value here in band camp! You're here FOREVER!! FOREVER!! FOREVER!! FOREVER!! FOREVER!! FOREVER!! ::voice echoes off the walls of the electrical barbed wire fences surrounding the camp. a kid runs into them, a loud shock sounds, and he falls,. a foreboding silent blankets the area, the funeral march sounds over the loud speakers::   
  
MR. PORRIDGE: YOU ARE ALL DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!! You will be forced to learn and relearn drill charts and music for the rest of your daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays.   
  
EFPIBC: RUN FOR THE GATES EVERYONE!!! THE FOOD SUCKS!!!!   
  
Sailor Moon: ::Runs to the gates, gets electrocuted, and is sadly saved by Paramedic BOB::   
  
Sailor Moon: Damn you bob, you saved me and now I have to live through band camp with scorched hair, I don't look cute anymore!!! ::goes to pout in the loo::   
  
SP: blimey, she was annoying.   
  
Sailor Jupiter: ::exits cabin with her sports bra and shorts on, half unzippered:: has anyone seen my flute???   
  
Sailor MERC: By my calculations, it's approximately 46 degrees to the left, 248.347 steps behind you. :: Jupiter marches away, making heads turn::   
  
Bob: THAT'S NOT SANITARY! WEAR A HAT, YOU UNZIPPERED SEXY BITCH! DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!!   
  
MR. PORRIDGE: AS the band camp director, I direct you to direct yo asses into yo cribs and direct you're your spare free time of -2 minutes to something USEFUL! Like drinking lots of WATAH! O yeah, sean, ill meet you on the 50 yard line ramp at midnight!! ::snickers, "can't wait for the threesome with the ramp. teehee" ::  
  
Narrator: what happened to all the profanity?   
  
ESP GIRL: it's gonna happen in appr. 2.24577425 seconds..   
  
:: 2.24577425 seconds later.::   
  
Random Kid with One line:: FUCK YOU WHORE!!!!  
::does a random act of profanity, three old ladies shriek and faint. Sailor Jup winks from the distance, Bob comes to the rescue, and thankfully the ladies are saved.::  
  
::In the hospital.::   
  
Old Lady No. 1: How are you darling?? ::wobbles over:: that man was. EVIIIIIIIIIIL! Against the teachings of the BIBLE.   
  
Old Lady 3: I'm fine, deary, but he was dead sexy. he's my JESUS in my fantasy! ::sighs a horny sigh::   
  
1: I checked my email today, and I heard about a female viagra! That Random Kid With One Line is MINE!   
  
:: #3 starts humping the IV pole. but only could do it for 2.24577425 seconds cuz her old, frail bones couldn't take it!::   
  
ESP GIRL: EWWW and to think that ESP was a gift.   
  
::BoB comes in::   
  
Bob: I have some saaaaaaaaad news. #2 is dead.  
  
::#1 wobbles over to the dead body, half and hour later she finally reaches it, all horny and ready to hump, when PMS Nurse comes and wheels it away::   
  
1: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
THE END.  
  
SP: doesn't this leave you full of suspense? I'm so completely DYING to know what happens! G w/ ESP: I could tell you.see,  
  
.. THE END AGAIN  
  
SP: wait, we forgot. hit it Venus!  
  
Sailor Venus: She's the one named Sailor Moon! 


	5. SAILOR MOON AND THE PURPLE LLAMAS PART E...

FOOL 


End file.
